Winger - 'Seventeen'

Nothing screams statutory rape like this classic rock ballad by 80s bad boy Kip Winger and friends. A former member of Alice Cooper's band, Kip branched off with his own self-titled band in 1986 and has been the butt of many a joke since. Whether it is via the dorky Stewart character on Beavis and Butthead or a random episode of VH1's Where Are They Now, Winger has served as prime example of what NOT to do in rock. Yet, despite the torment from an unmerciful music press, I must admit that I am addicted to the band's greatest hit 'Seventeen.' In fact, I rocked out to it on the way back from the gym this afternoon. Although I can't say it helped improve my appeal with the ladies, it is true that the song pumped my adrenaline and helped to cap off a very good day.

In this particular mysogynistic anthem, lead singer Kip must grapple with the fact that his newest groupie is only 17. Surprisingly, after all's said and done, he tells the listener that he really doesn't care. She's old enough for him! While such a narrative is so weak it probably couldn't make it past the first cuts of a Full House screening (even starring Uncle Jessie as the Kip Wingeresque character), the remaining elements of the song work in just the right ways. It's cheesy. It's over the top. It's simple. It's loud. It's disgusting...but not too disgusting. While Kip himself faded into oblivion by the end of the decade that screamed excess, 'Seventeen' will always remain immortal...in my record collection.

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I saw sparks fly, from the corner of my eye
And when I turned, it was love at first sight
I said please excuse me, I didn't catch your name
Oh it'd be a shame not to see you again
And just when I thought she was comin' to my door
She whispered sweet and brought me to the floor, she said
I'm only seventeen, but I'll show you love like you've never seen
She's only seventeen, daddy says she's too young, but she's old enough for me
Come to my place, we can talk it over, oh everything going down in your head
She said take it easy, I need some time, time to work it out, to make you mine
And just when I thought she was comin' to my door
She whispered sweet and brought me to the floor, she said
I'm only seventeen, you ain't seen love, ain't seen nothing like me
She's only seventeen, seventeen
(Solo)
Such a bad girl, loves to work me overtime
Feels good (ha), dancin' close to the borderline
She's a magic mountain, she's a leather glove
Oh she's my soul, it must be love
She's only seventeen, still she gives me love, like I've never seen
She's only seventeen, daddy says she's too young, but she's old enough for me
She's everything I need, daddy says she's too young
But she's old enough, old enough for me